Davina -- Thank you! What a thorough and thoughtful summary that rings true at many levels. And it is relevant for adults as well as children. In the U.S., public health departments have divisions called "Behavioral Health" which appear to be designed to regulate behavior to fall within narrow constraints.
Thank you for reading Susan. Yes, I absolutely agree about the relevance for adults. Oh that sounds very Big Brother, ‘Behavioural Health’. And yes…the focus on changing what is seen as out of the norm, rather than listening to what it conveys.
Brilliant Davina. Such a compassionate, thorough, and infinitely more practical breakdown than any "behaviour policy" I've ever seen. Appreciated the link with ABA as I had to work within that framework for years with autistic children - it was stifling and missed the mark in so many ways, which I only learnt about in hindsight.
Davina, this is a brilliant Master's course. I hope you are providing continuing education to teachers in your school districts. This should be part of teacher education worldwide. It fits not only for neurodivergent children, but also for neurodivergent adults, including those with dementia. Such good information!
Nikki - thank you so much. There are many wonderful schools where this is absolutely known and you are right that there are also too many where it is not.
I had not thought about adults with dementia - that is inspired. Only yesterday I had an interaction with a friend with dementia that required some thoughtful tuning into the underlying need. Lovely to see you. 🤗
Thank you Davina. This is a brilliant post and exactly what I needed to read write now. My problem is that I also find it really hard to de-escalate anger breakouts in my children (6 and 3) by just sitting and listening to them. This is on me though and you have given me me yet another reason to improve myself before I ask anything else or my children. 🙏
Oh Sam...it is hard indeed when they are small. I find myself doing the daftest things sometimes with my grandchildren - trying to be there - not stress out about things that actually don't matter. My granddaughter cannot cope with being in the back seat of the car without the window open and I tend to treat car windows as if they are only for my comfort as driver. So I really upset her by saying no. I then realised that it could be OK for me to drive with the window open and I can tolerate and calm my own irritation much more easily than she can tolerate feeling shut in and claustrophobic. I had no clue of any of this when my children were small.
I'd never thought of that before either, Davina. My youngest also loves having the car window open, and I've discovered that letting her do so whilst also having my window open stops that annoying sound from ringing through my ears. In terms of the wind distribution, we'll ignore the fact that it also makes me extremely cold, as a very small price to pay in terms of dad tax.
Precisely my thought - a small price to pay indeed! My daughter said that she still remembers me driving them to Alton Towers (no less!) and insisting on windows being shut. Ouch.🙏
This is such a good point, Davina. I had a really happy childhood that was in the whole amazing, but I can still think of a couple of instances where my parents did things that were up upsetting, even if it wasn't their intention. For example, when we're in the car and my mum wanted to concentrate, she would always say, "Children, be quiet. I’m behind the wheel of a killing machine," and that has always stuck with me. Now I look back at it and laugh, but it probably was indirectly responsible for the fact I didn't learn to pass my driving test until well into my 30s. At least that's what I tell myself… 😂
Sam! That makes so much sense. I used to pull over on the hard shoulder and tell them I wasn’t going to carry on driving until they stopped arguing with each other. Must have been very annoying but probably necessary for safety reasons. There are only so many round of rude word alphabet a person can tolerate.
Agree with all of this, such a great guide on how to help your child. As Mum of a girl who also started struggling in year 10 (more obviously, she had ‘seemed’ fine up until that point), I found the months that she could not go to school and could barely speak to us some of the most difficult in all my parenting years. But sometimes we don’t have all the answers - the best thing to do is not panic, and accept we can’t always fix everything, but continue searching for those tiny clues x
Steph - you are so right - it is incredibly hard when they won't speak to us and we know they are not OK. I was fortunate with my daughter that I worked as a teacher in the same school so she could physically come to me when she wasn't OK at school. That maybe offered her safety valve. And yes, not panicking is so important and having an attitude of being willing to do what we can rather than expecting to fix everything. Thank you for reading. 🤗
Just a shout out to Aimee from @AI Meets Girlboss for her brilliant tutorial that I followed to achieve this moving image! Happy Days.
Davina -- Thank you! What a thorough and thoughtful summary that rings true at many levels. And it is relevant for adults as well as children. In the U.S., public health departments have divisions called "Behavioral Health" which appear to be designed to regulate behavior to fall within narrow constraints.
Thank you for reading Susan. Yes, I absolutely agree about the relevance for adults. Oh that sounds very Big Brother, ‘Behavioural Health’. And yes…the focus on changing what is seen as out of the norm, rather than listening to what it conveys.
Brilliant Davina. Such a compassionate, thorough, and infinitely more practical breakdown than any "behaviour policy" I've ever seen. Appreciated the link with ABA as I had to work within that framework for years with autistic children - it was stifling and missed the mark in so many ways, which I only learnt about in hindsight.
Gem, thank you for this. It is good to hear that it makes sense to you. 🤗
Davina, this is a brilliant Master's course. I hope you are providing continuing education to teachers in your school districts. This should be part of teacher education worldwide. It fits not only for neurodivergent children, but also for neurodivergent adults, including those with dementia. Such good information!
Nikki - thank you so much. There are many wonderful schools where this is absolutely known and you are right that there are also too many where it is not.
I had not thought about adults with dementia - that is inspired. Only yesterday I had an interaction with a friend with dementia that required some thoughtful tuning into the underlying need. Lovely to see you. 🤗
Thank you Davina. This is a brilliant post and exactly what I needed to read write now. My problem is that I also find it really hard to de-escalate anger breakouts in my children (6 and 3) by just sitting and listening to them. This is on me though and you have given me me yet another reason to improve myself before I ask anything else or my children. 🙏
Oh Sam...it is hard indeed when they are small. I find myself doing the daftest things sometimes with my grandchildren - trying to be there - not stress out about things that actually don't matter. My granddaughter cannot cope with being in the back seat of the car without the window open and I tend to treat car windows as if they are only for my comfort as driver. So I really upset her by saying no. I then realised that it could be OK for me to drive with the window open and I can tolerate and calm my own irritation much more easily than she can tolerate feeling shut in and claustrophobic. I had no clue of any of this when my children were small.
I'd never thought of that before either, Davina. My youngest also loves having the car window open, and I've discovered that letting her do so whilst also having my window open stops that annoying sound from ringing through my ears. In terms of the wind distribution, we'll ignore the fact that it also makes me extremely cold, as a very small price to pay in terms of dad tax.
Precisely my thought - a small price to pay indeed! My daughter said that she still remembers me driving them to Alton Towers (no less!) and insisting on windows being shut. Ouch.🙏
This is such a good point, Davina. I had a really happy childhood that was in the whole amazing, but I can still think of a couple of instances where my parents did things that were up upsetting, even if it wasn't their intention. For example, when we're in the car and my mum wanted to concentrate, she would always say, "Children, be quiet. I’m behind the wheel of a killing machine," and that has always stuck with me. Now I look back at it and laugh, but it probably was indirectly responsible for the fact I didn't learn to pass my driving test until well into my 30s. At least that's what I tell myself… 😂
Sam! That makes so much sense. I used to pull over on the hard shoulder and tell them I wasn’t going to carry on driving until they stopped arguing with each other. Must have been very annoying but probably necessary for safety reasons. There are only so many round of rude word alphabet a person can tolerate.
Agree with all of this, such a great guide on how to help your child. As Mum of a girl who also started struggling in year 10 (more obviously, she had ‘seemed’ fine up until that point), I found the months that she could not go to school and could barely speak to us some of the most difficult in all my parenting years. But sometimes we don’t have all the answers - the best thing to do is not panic, and accept we can’t always fix everything, but continue searching for those tiny clues x
Steph - you are so right - it is incredibly hard when they won't speak to us and we know they are not OK. I was fortunate with my daughter that I worked as a teacher in the same school so she could physically come to me when she wasn't OK at school. That maybe offered her safety valve. And yes, not panicking is so important and having an attitude of being willing to do what we can rather than expecting to fix everything. Thank you for reading. 🤗