What I Write About: A Guide
A map of the six things I write about on Belonging to Myself
Are you new here, or have you been here a while, and are wondering what this place actually is? My writing circles six things. Here they are, with the posts that will take you into each one.
1. Sam’s Story
My son, Sam. Neurodivergent, gifted, and nineteen when he died by suicide. I am writing a book about him — Sam’s Story: It Takes a Village not to Lose a Child — and it is close to being published.
My book: Sam’s Story — What this book is, and why it has to be written.
It Takes a Village not to Lose a Child — Every child needs to know that they belong, and that they belong exactly as they are. And much of this is beyond the reach of a mother.
2. My Story
Memoir posts about my life. These three will give you a feel for it — there are many more waiting for you in the My Story section.
The Highest 11+ Result in the County — I pass my 11+ with flying colours, then spend the next four years trying to work out how to fit into a world where I feel as if I don’t belong.
Two Lanterns — Two friends meet on the moors — trying to find a ritual, a gesture, anything that might help to hold the weight of profound loss, knowing before they even begin that nothing ever will.
Make Sure I’m Buried With Grandma — How I went looking for a burial ground and found a place to belong.
3. The Worst Loss
The profound and traumatic loss of a child to suicide. I write about what it is actually like, what helps and what really doesn’t.
Bring it on. This is what I’m here for. — A mother’s journey through profound loss, fury, and the recovery of meaning.
A Bad Day to Stop Smoking — You were there when I needed you.
“Hello? Is there anybody in there?” — Numbing the pain of profound and traumatic loss and why doing so doesn’t serve us.
How Many Children do you Have? — The innocuous question that makes bereaved parents stop in their tracks.
Somatic Symmetry — The body remembers the joy and the pain.
Spiritual but Not Religious — Some of the practices that help me to feel connected to ‘what is’, beyond the everyday.
All I Want for Christmas is You — What bereaved parents actually want you to know at Christmas.
4. The Five Roots of Belonging
The framework underneath everything I know about life — the five things we need in order to belong to ourselves.
The roots, and the twelve monthly themes outlined in the first post below, are what our membership Zoom meetings centre around each month.
You Were Born Belonging - A Map For Your Return — The Five Roots of Belonging and coming home to ourselves.
Root 1: Being Sanctuary
Being Sanctuary — How to embody safety, refuge and a regulatory resource for a child.
Root 2: Healing Shame with Self-Compassion
From Shame to Self-Compassion — Recognising what’s yours and what really isn’t. And starting to witness and heal the shame in your body.
Root 3: Embracing Complexity
Behaviour as Communication — What our children are trying to tell us.
The Neurodiversity Lens — Moving from ‘What’s wrong with you?’ to ‘What is your particular way of being here and what do you need?’
The Trauma of Giftedness - Part 1 of 2 — How gifted and twice-exceptional children learn to choose between authenticity and belonging — and why this choice itself creates trauma.
The Trauma of Giftedness: Part 2 of 2 — What happens when gifted children can’t find belonging — and what needs to change.
Root 4: Trusting Your Intuition
Dreaming Yourself Back to Belonging — The recovery of aspects of your self through the exploration of your dreams.
Root 5: Living with Kindness
Rage Is Not Just More Anger. — Rage and anger are different things. And getting this wrong has consequences.
The Village — the ground the roots grow in
Understanding Your Village — Children need other people in their lives beyond their immediate family members. We were never meant to do this alone.
5. Perspectives
My perspectives on AI, education, and other things that catch my attention.
Why AI Can’t Be Our Psychotherapist — And why we think we want it to be.
Mind the Empathy Gap — Claude’s child safeguarding processes leave a lot to be desired.
Who are those SEND assessment reports really for? — What happened when Sam opened the blanket box.
6. Forest Stories
My life experience and my psychotherapeutic knowledge, with AI helping me weave the threads of these into stories.
Small Oak & The Fire: Part 1 of 4 - What if I get lost? — The forest prepares for the coming fire.
After The Storm — The five gifts of the forest after profound loss.
A Story Of Belonging Through the Seasons — A forest story following the monthly themes of Belonging to Myself.
Meeting AI With The Wisdom of The Forest — A story about the three kinds of power we can use to shape how AI technology develops.
How I Use AI
Sometimes I write about it, often critically — Why AI Can’t Be Our Psychotherapist and Mind the Empathy Gap will show you where I stand. I’m also currently following The Slow AI Curriculum for AI Literacy — a twelve-month programme of monthly seminars using the humanities to interrogate technology, because I don’t think it’s enough to use these tools — I want to keep questioning how to use them well, and whether and when to use them at all.
Behind the scenes, I use it much as I might use paper notes or sticky notes: to gather the threads of an idea and lay them out where I can see them, so I can find the shape of what I’m trying to say. I use it, too, as a proofreader — catching typos and punctuation slips before a post reaches you.
It helped to create the tools I’ve made for you. It also helps to power some of them, always in service of your own reflection, never offering its own analysis or interpretation in place of it. (You can read exactly how, tool by tool, here.)
The Forest Stories were a different experiment altogether: writing with it, using complex prompts to weave my life experience and psychotherapeutic understanding into story.
The thinking, the feeling, the life lived, the losses, and every word that matters are mine. It’s a tool I have been learning to use mindfully, and never as a substitute for the human belonging this place exists to serve.
And when you’re ready
A Gift for You 🩵 & Tools for The Journey — Self-exploration and support tools for subscribers.
Tools for the Journey: Links & Access Codes — For paid subscribers only.
There is also a monthly newsletter — a letter from me at the end of each month, with what’s been happening here and what’s coming next.
I post weekly on Sunday mornings just after 11:00 am (UK time), and some weeks I post on Wednesday morning as well.
Wherever you start, you are warmly welcome here.
Warmest wishes,
Davina 🩵
P.S. If you are interested in joining The Gathering, I’d love to hear from you and to answer any questions you might have — You are invited for a virtual coffee ☕ with me.
What a great map regarding your posts, Davina. I love how everything is so cohesive in branding, including your pictures, and I can't wait to read your book!